We spring clean our homes but how many of us actually spring clean our lives. Well, I did and interestingly my home and my wellbeing has approved tenfold. How did I do that? I rid myself of all the negative influences in my life. Yes, hurt people I may have but I think I became more important.
The people that suck you dry and feed of your positive energy these are the people to say ‘I’m done’ harsh as it may sound, think about how you feel when you are with them. The walking on egg shells and the sheer exhaustion of allowing them to be in your life.
New beginnings are what you should be looking for not being stuck in a one way system. We should be looking up and saying our lives can be better. If we hold on to the negativity because we are afraid to hurt the feelings of others? do they care whether they hurt us? I don’t think so. If they did, they would appreciate the mental psyche can take just so much.
I have an amazing a friend and though I don’t see her often, we talk almost every day. She invited us over for Eid and I had the most amazing time. The point, I did not feel drowned or negative at the end of the evening. Save for my stomach looking pregnant the evening went swimmingly. Friendship is about ups and downs and yes, we have both had our ups and downs but there is a balance.
But then you have the other friends that constantly bring you down. You honestly stare at the phone when their names come up, thinking should I answer or not. You realise that eventually you will need to call them back, so you pick up the phone, to hear the same negativity which makes you crumble as you say ‘I understand or yes I’m so sorry’ These are the people that don’t care about you, who will ignore you when it suits them and use you when they need help. It is not a two way street. It is literally one way.
Now you may think, well we’ve been friends for years, yes, but what kind of friendship has it been, really!!! Think about it. A weight has been lifted and I feel free to be me and not to pander solely to the needs of others.
Selfish I hear you say, is it not better to be selfless when you can truly give without feeling forced to endure the negativity. Kindness to you is the first step.
Initially it is hard to break the ties and you worry so much but once you tell them honestly how you feel, it becomes easy to slowly move away. You have all heard the saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ this is what happens in many friendships. Overtime you learn the characters in the group and there will always be an alpha, the one you will not talk back to, the one that you like but makes you feel a little afraid. You don’t want to anger them, fearing the repercussions. You then find yourself their punching bag. They take their frustrations out on you because, yes, you will stay quiet. This does not make you weak, this means you have compassion. The alpha recognises the one that will say nothing and that is the one they will go for.
A spring clean will free you from the emotional servitude, being enslaved to others which leave you broken and torn. It feels like air has entered my lungs for the first time and I am soaring over the clouds of freedom.
I have been thinking a lot about good and evil lately. I have been posting a lot on Instagram and this has made me think about how easy it is to be bad. I’m going to use the word bad as I don’t believe that I am evil. Well I hope not!!!
No is always a word we don’t like to hear, so I guess if we simply take, rather than ask, it is easier. Does that make me bad or evil? I’ve been talking about good and evil with my friend Anna and she tells me even if you spend your whole life being bad/evil and ask God for forgiveness and believe in him at the end, he will forgive. I suppose he is all merciful. It made me think though, all those evil people out there who find the lord at the end, they will also be forgiven. It can’t be as easy as that.
I feel hard done by if that is the case. Let’s think, the bombers who shout out God’s name, regardless what they call God, are you honestly telling me that the pearly gates of heaven will be opened for them?
They have killed people!!! Many do it in the name of God others for gain, as misguided as they are, how can our God take them in? What about the rest of us who try so hard to follow his word and live the way he wants us to live. We believe in the wrath of God, so why go through all of that, if I can make my life easier by being evil and then beg for forgiveness before I close my eyes. Well God is not silly; I guess he will know what is truly in my heart at the end. Are the words simply words or have we truly taken him in?
The drops of blood before me, sends a shiver down my spine
I realise it is my time to die
I stare at the floor and see the door leading to the depths of hell
All my sins lay before me and I begin to cry
I pray to God please, I accept you in my heart tonight
Forgive me my sins and I will repent
If only you take my soul tonight
God replies you have called my name and believed in me
I forgive you your sins, your mine tonight
Committing a sin is so easy, come on let’s be honest. Even the smallest of sins, are there such things as small sins or are they all the same? I lie to someone, I would consider this a small sin but I suppose it comes down to the repercussions of that lie. How many people did it hurt? Were lives lost because of it? Okay!!! No such thing as small sins. A sin is a sin.
Is it a fight to get into heaven, to be embraced in the arms of God? No, it isn’t, he makes it easy for us. We are the ones that make it hard for ourselves. No effort is needed. We believe that it is hard because Satan makes it sound easy to enter his kingdom of hell
Satan’s grasp pulls you in
It’s so easy to commit a sin
Satan will always be happy to take you in
No kneeling, no praying, no begging
Satan will open the gates of hell and say come in
Yet, God has done the same. He recognises we have faults and all he asks is for us to ask for forgiveness for our sins. I think it’s about intention. We don’t mean to be bad and asking for forgiveness means we acknowledge what we have done is not good.
God’s love is not hard to achieve
Good is what we strive to be
To open our hearts and let the light in
We kneel and pray and ask his forgiveness
The gates will open and the Lord will welcome us in
This a topic that can be debated till the end of time. I have to admit though, when I help another I get a high because I feel good about myself. I think that is all he wants, pure hearts, maybe a few faults that we can work on. He does not expect us to be saints, we are not all made that way. Believe in him and try to follow what his son died for. He gives us chances after chances and does not give up on us.
Death is not the end
It is only the beginning to be born again
A chance to live a life better than the last
To say to God please keep me this time
I have lived the life you taught me to live
I am now worthy to live in your arms
The new Alabama Law on abortion has given me fruit for thought. Statistics show some 206,000 abortions have been performed in England and Wales for residents and some 5,000 for non-residents and yes they are free for residents on the National Health Service. I must add 64,445 were repeat abortions.
Let’s put this in perspective, there were approximately 679,000 live births in England and Wales, which means approximately 22% of all pregnancies currently end in abortion.
What are the laws in the UK, well elective abortion is not legal. Before an abortion can take place two doctors need to confirm that the pregnancy is a threat to the life or health of the mother or her children. Therefore a medical reason is required for every abortion.
What actually happens, if the continuing pregnancy threatens the mental or physical health of the mother she can elect to terminate and it will be granted.
Am I for or am I against? Well I can honestly say I am both, I’m not trying to sit on the fence but I have my views.
Abortion due to rape and incest cannot be argued against. The right for a woman to choose whether to keep this child or not, a constant reminder of her horrifying experience is a right. For those who choose to keep the child then I am in awe of you.
The UK allows abortion up to 24 weeks. This I find difficult to swallow. A 24 weeks foetus is a baby. Babies born due to premature labour have survived and continue to grow outside of the womb. How can you say this is right? A very small percentage of women are oblivious to being pregnant at early stage.
I cannot in all honestly agree that an abortion at such a late stage should be permitted. These babies, have grown they are formed. The procedure alone must be horrifying.
I agree that women should have the right to choose but I think the number of weeks should be a maximum of 12 weeks. Yes the foetus has already formed at 12 weeks, all the organs, muscles, limbs and bones are in place, and the sex organs are well developed. All that is left is for the foetus to mature. So could we argue even 12 weeks is too long? I think there needs to be a cut of point and in my mind 12 weeks gives a mother time to know she is pregnant and time to make that decision.
I am all for the abortion pill and this can only be taken up to 8 weeks. This in my humble opinion is the preference. Yes the foetus is forming but the abortion pill causes your uterus to cramp and shed its inner lining and contents. I am not trying to justify that this is better but it is not a baby that has been fully formed. It is almost like severe period pains and clotting being dispelled. The pain alone should serve as a lesson to be more responsible.
If you think 64,000 women have had repeat abortions, have they learnt nothing? It is far too easy in this country to obtain an abortion and stricter guidelines should be put in place to stop this travesty of repeat offenders and yes I am using the word offenders.
I remember a girl at university in three years had 5 abortions, how can this be right. How can this be legal? We have every contraceptive on the market offered free in this country. You do not even need to go to your doctors; there are a number of free clinics that will provide you with contraceptives.
It happens once, you can be given. It happens twice, that is bad luck. Thereafter you have no excuses. Abortions are offered far too readily and far too easily.
I am one voice but every voice counts.
Why would you go on a show and air your dirty laundry in public? Why would you tell the world your innermost secrets, the shame that plagues your life?
Most of us wouldn’t, it’s as simple as that. Have you noticed the type of people that are attracted to these shows and how do they get on these shows in the first place.
The producers seek them out and through a careful vetting process, they decide who will go on and who will be rejected. Who do they choose? The inarticulate, the downtrodden, the haters, the people that we will love to hate. This is reality TV, they leave them naked on stage for the world to see.
These shows deliberately choose the weak, the helpless and the vulnerable. The people that want their 5 mins of fame, what these people do not realise after their stint on TV they have to face the outside world to be ridiculed and spat upon.
The mother who threw her 15 year old out because she slept with mum’s boyfriend. What did this mother expect? Did she think that the people would be on her side? She is a mother, behave as a mother and take your child aside and say ‘my darling talk to me and I will try and understand’ what did she expect, respect for throwing her teen out. She kept the boyfriend.
It’s crazy that these types of people think they are right. The question you need to ask is who told them they were right before they came on the show. The same could be said for the X Factor, the good singers and the terrible singers. They are vetted and of course if all the singers were great, there would be no show. We all love the contestants to make a fool of themselves, it makes for good TV and for many of us it makes us feel better about ourselves.
The person who committed suicide after filming one of these shows was clearly vulnerable but the Jeremy Kyle show did not care, they want ratings so they can continue making such shows. The man that committed suicide after Love Island. When do we say enough is enough.
Danniella Westbrook said that the Jeremy Kyle show was great for her and the therapist really helped her. Please people, she was an actress, she wants to be back on TV and lets me honest she is thick skinned because she is an actress. What did they think get a semi celeb to say how wonderful their show is and we will all agree?
Yes they provide therapy for these people but we need to ask for how long? The therapist isn’t going to be with them 24/7, so when they leave the show, how are they being protected? And whatever therapy is given, it is only to them, what about the people that now hate them?
Who is to blame? We are also to blame, the people that watch, we should be ashamed. We call ourselves educated and developed, really!!! Are we really on top of the food chain? Animals kill to feed themselves, to live. We kill for sensationalism. We are worse form animals. I am ashamed to be called human. We throw these people into a gladiator pit and we watch the carnage that takes place and we developed and educated people sit back, smile and laugh at the pain and suffering before us.
We are a sadistic species; we enjoy the destruction of others. Why are we like this? Are our lives so boring that we need to see what other people are doing? Most of us are not interested in the good that people do, no, we are interested in their dark sides, that makes for good reality TV.
So what does that say about us as a species?
The Jeremy Kyle show has been suspended but that is not good enough it should be axed. Do we need to wait for another death to realise that reality TV is bad for our health.
Have you ever just felt lonely, even when you are with a crowd of people? I found myself feeling like that all the time. I talked to friends every day, yet I felt alone and in a sense, isolated. Strange, that the feeling of isolation can be so overwhelming.
I felt a loss but a loss I could not explain. I am contented but simply feeling contented did not feel enough. Was I being greedy? Wanting more? Am I entitled to more?
I needed to find whatever is missing to fill this emptiness.
I recognised that there was a problem but couldn’t pin point the reason. Is it lack of money, not being in a relationship or not having enough success? No, feeling empty is about what I felt inside, it was my internal feelings not what was going on around me. I think it is how I compared myself to others; it was my insecurities that made me feel like this. I felt tired and bored all the time and felt a knot in my stomach that I couldn’t get rid of. I knew something was wrong but just couldn’t shake it off.
Maybe I simply felt unfulfilled. I was not where I had hoped to be. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but just couldn’t reach it. So many good things were happening in my life, good friends, opportunities and a possible bright future but something was holding me back. If I could rid myself of this darkness that was holding me back and finally reach the light then I knew this emptiness would dissipate. Unfortunately, I was finding it hard. I guess it’s about discovering what the darkness is? Why could I not be free of it? What is in that darkness that has such a strong hold on me?
Is it easier in life to remain where we are? Have we set our goals to high, hence we can never reach the light? When we feel like this, we need to leave our ambitions aside for the moment and concentrate on what makes us happy. We need to have a new outlook on life.
I didn’t feel depressed or at least I didn’t think I was depressed. I think I needed to fill the void. I spent so much time at home and just couldn’t seem to leave the house. I had so many interests and had simply let them go. I stopped attending classes and have surrounded myself with four walls and clearly had isolated myself.
I have a purpose; I have relationships with friends, so I know it is not a lack of purpose or friends. Maybe I needed hobbies, somewhere to go to, a couple of days a week. Renew my interests and forget for a few hours about work and children. Forget about the battle I seem to face day in and day out.
I have read that the feeling of emptiness can be caused by:
The only ones I can identify with are 3 and 4. Am I fooling myself? I don’t think so or at the very least I don’t believe so.
Buddhism teaches us that renouncing ego and desire can achieve openness, inner peace, receptivity, and ultimate enlightenment. Indeed Christianity, Islam and Judaism all teach the same concept to dissipate this feeling of emptiness. Am I religious, no not really? I believe in God and I believe all my actions have consequences. I am after something different. I believe I need spiritual and not religious guidance per se. I know they can walk hand in hand but I don’t need someone reading out verses of scripture to me. I need more than this.
This may not be for all but for me at the moment, I believe this may help. Well at least it could be a starting point. I need to learn about my inner feelings and recognise early on when I’m feeling this void before it takes hold and I find myself depressed.
It is interesting that many people say that the feeling of emptiness is due to lack of love or attention in childhood. I don’t believe this is entirely true. I think our lives can change so suddenly from a high to a low that our brains have had no time to adjust. A steady decline is easier to cope with than an immediate drop.
The key is to establish what you think you are missing. Write it down, write what makes you happy, contended or indeed what you have now. Then write down what is missing, even what you desire. Don’t think just write. This little exercise will help you recognise what this void is all about. Then what? Good question!!!
Take a warm bath: Many researchers have shown that bathing has a lot of benefits including pain relief, enhanced mobility and improves psychological well-being. It may give you the space you require to reflect what you see on that piece of paper.
Appreciate what you have and not what you don’t have: research shows that feeling grateful are important, it makes you positive and this positivity will help you feel less empty. Being thankful will make you more satisfied and less stressed.
Explore new things: Change your environment, add to your knowledge every day. Research shows, even little things as changing lighting or moving furniture, the temperature in your room can have a positive effect on your emotional state.
I also think it is more than the above; it is discovering who you are first. Know what makes you who you are. Once you can establish this you become strong and that strength will push you to resolve this feeling of emptiness. Ask friends ‘have I changed?’ The people around you will recognise the changes before you do. If friends and family can tell you first, you can avoid that emptiness leading to depression.
I understand that many feel this at some point in their lives and I think that maybe, just maybe I need spiritual guidance. I need a sense of who I am, find the inner peace with who I am and my circumstances. That is not to say that I accept my circumstances but spiritual guidance can give me a fresh outlook. A feeling of being protected and a feeling of enlightenment. I feel I am ready for this.
I realise, purpose is important but having purpose, may not dissipate this feeling. It helps us strive to want more but that type of ‘MORE’ may not fill the void. I realised that I needed a different kind of ‘MORE’ a more spiritual outlook and hopefully I will realise inner peace that will make me even stronger. Stronger to tackle the hurdles of life, stronger to reach my goals and stronger to choose who I wish to be.
Depression isn’t a joke. Unless you have experienced it, you can’t understand it. Depression can be caused for all sorts of reasons, job dissatisfaction, miserable home life, destructive relationships divorce and many more and for some for no reason at all, or should I say there is a reason you just can’t pin point it. However, one thing I have learnt through my journey of depression do not isolate yourself.
Believe it or not you all have one friend out there who will provide solace and for some lucky few, you may have more than one friend who will pick you up, even for those few hours.
I know, before you say it or think it, who wants to listen to your moans and who wants to see you looking depressed. It is not about pouring your heart out to them. It is about companionship, learning to laugh again. Isolating yourself in your home really is not the answer.
I found myself divorced at 43 years old and a single mother of one. I felt old and alone, I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror. I was empty, a shell of my former self. So many things in my life had gone wrong and it was easy to blame others.
After about a year I met a woman who was to become my best friend and slowly my sense of loneliness dissipated. I had a friend and a person I knew would always try and keep my spirits up, a person who would never judge me, a person I would always call friend and I hoped she would feel the same. I suddenly became WE.
Now, this friend thought it would be a good idea for me to start dating again.It’s interesting that some women feel the need to be in a relationship to feel whole. Why do we feel the need to be in a relationship to be happy? Is it about having a Man? Is it sex? Firstly, Ladies Ann Summers was founded for a reason and I assure you they have wide varieties of toys, that in part could satisfy those needs at least for a short time, this should hopefully help you refrain from jumping into bed with the first man you meet.
Or is it simply about wanting companionship? Whatever form that takes. Do we feel less desirable if we are not hanging off a man’s arm? Are we so insecure with ourselves that we need affirmation from others? Has society made the word single taboo? Are we less of a person because we are single? These are all questions I wanted an answer to.
That night I decided to manipulate a man into asking me out. Indeed he had asked me on a number of occasions and I had turned him down umpteen times and he had given up. Yes, I’m using the word manipulate, manipulation can take many forms. The words you use, your body language and indeed the way you dress etc. The question was simple, after years of marriage and being with one man was I able to attract another man?
The following morning I woke to a 6am alarm and started to get ready. I was going to ensnare a man, how cold that sounded and quite frankly bitchy. I finally arrived at work and he wasn’t there, I couldn’t believe it. I looked like a dark haired Barbie doll. I had spent so much time on my makeup and choosing the right outfit and he was not in the office. Yes ladies all the courage I had mustered to get to this stage had left me.
Before I knew it the day was over. I packed my things and left the office as I was exiting the building, there he was, I looked down at the floor, look up Rani, look up. As our eyes locked I smiled at him and he looked a little shocked as I would normally roll my eyes when I saw him. My god was I really doing this. Well it didn’t take much he instantly stopped and asked me out for that drink. Seriously! I had turned this man down so many times and he was still interested.
My god that was far too easy and men are unbelievably easy to manipulate, clearly not much had changed. I’m sure if he had thought about it, he would not have asked me as I had ignored him for months but he was clearly thinking with his pecker and not his brain.
Would this date answer all these questions for me? Of course it wouldn’t, you could live a lifetime and never understand the opposite sex. However it may give me an insight and indeed I wouldn’t say no to a little fun along the way.
Interestingly, by agreeing to go out on this date, did give me a sense of reclamation of my life. Not entirely but in part. So do we need to be in a relationship to feel whole? Well let’s see.
I feel the need to talk about conflict. Why do some people thrive on it? My best friend was on the phone in tears after spending an evening with her partner. She had been away for some three weeks on holiday with her parents in Newcastle. His behaviour while she was away was appalling. She is a single mother of two and this break was away for her to be with her children but not have to look after them 24/7. Surely he must have understood this. Instead he sent nasty, hurtful messages like ‘well spend another week or even an extra month there’ this continued until she got back and his excuse was, he was missing her and that was a good thing. He even went as far as to dump her on text. He had no intention of leaving her, he just wanted her to feel bad, to miss him and beg him not to leave her.
I write this article for all, why some people feel the need to hurt others for no reason other than they are lonely or having a bad day. I realised that this is not the only reason. Some people feel the need for affirmation, feeling so insecure that it makes them feel better bringing someone else down or making someone else beg them, feeling the need to be wanted .Some are so depressed that seeing others happy bothers them.
My friend’s partner said at the beginning of their relationship that he is opinionated. She understood this to mean he may have strong opinions on various matters. How wrong she was. He used the word opinionated, what he actually meant, he was critical. He criticised her on her parental skills, her makeup, her shopping practices and everything about her life. He dictated what she should do? In every aspect of her life. He wore her down until she couldn’t breath and indeed broke down crying. He would do this all with a smile on his face, surely that is sadism.
So what is a sadist? The tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.
Some of you may think this is not that bad but mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and when the recipient cannot walk away, it is torture.
If you have something to say and you go on and on about it knowing that the person you are talking to is getting upset, why don’t you just stop? Are you so sadistic that you thrive on the other person’s misery? This cannot be normal? Let’s take a very simple mundane example. Imagine being asked to buy milk on the way home and you forget. The person who had asked you do this goes on and on and on about your forgetfulness. You are trapped between four walls and this expression of his or her ‘opinion’ is no longer about the bottle of milk, it leads into your so called other failings. How would you feel? The human brain can take just so much. This is mental abuse and in this example because of a bottle of milk.
The next day they spoke and she forgave him, though he felt he had done nothing wrong. Indeed he said to her she was at fault. When she tried to explain what he had done, giving him examples he said she was attacking him. So interestingly when he expresses himself, it is an ‘Opinion’. When she does it, it is a personal attack. He thinks he is perfect and told her as much. He even said one day she would look back and realised she had let the perfect guy go. Was he interested in her because he thought she would never leave due to her circumstances? Failed marriages and two children may make her grateful for him. No, she was not going to go through this again. In fact it made her think what was wrong with her? Did she cause this? Is it something about her that makes men behave in such a manner? Why do we blame ourselves first?
Is this a mental condition? This type of behaviour cannot be prevalent to the majority. I just don’t believe it; I don’t want to believe it. However, I also experienced such behaviour twice in my life and hear the same stories from friends over and over again.
So has this become the norm? Have changes in society made people more sadistic. Do we need to humiliate others to make us feel better or are we so arrogant that we just don’t care what we say or do? Has the lines between good and evil blurred?
I have previously talked about why I was simply not honest with this man I had dated, albeit one date. Maybe this is the reason. Maybe fear makes us hold back. Fear of what they will say or do. How they would react to being told the truth, at least the truth accordingly to my perspective.
I think there is a very fine line between stress, depression and sadism. You might think I’m crazy but think about it? How many times have we heard people say during or after an argument, ‘I’m sorry, I’m just stressed’ or ‘I’m just depressed’ and we are supposed to understand it. Think about it, depression varies between individuals. Some people will hide away and others will behave badly towards people closest to them. Behaving badly to make the other person feel as miserable as they are. Is this not sadistic? The same can be said about being stressed. Our behaviour changes to the extent that one could argue we are behaving in a sadistic manner. Is this not a mental condition that needs to be treated?
Or is it simply enjoying conflict?
The last few months have honestly been a revelation. I have discovered so much about certain people in my life. Jealousy and envy are the only explanation for it all. Have I experienced it, that feeling of envy, that feeling of jealousy? Absolutely, but have I ever made people feel my jealousy or envy or hurt them verbally or physically, never. So, what I don’t understand is those that do. Don’t we want the best for the ones we love? Don’t we want to see the closest people to us being happy? Even if that takes something away from us?
Human nature is such that we will all experience one or the other and indeed in some instances both at the same time. For those who don’t know the distinction between the two it is simple, jealousy is a state of mind that makes you feel threatened that something you have is being taken away and Envy is a reaction to lacking something.
Let’s think about this, being jealous is a feeling of insecurity, fear and concern whereas envy is about the lack of possessions, status or something of great value. However, feeling something whether it is jealousy or envy or both does not mean that we should voice it or make someone feel inferior because of it. We should hold the green-eyed monster at bay and think before we open our mouths. I often say to my son ‘engage brain before opening mouth and use the filter that god gave you’ and that people, filter is your brain.
Certain people say things that are hurtful and those that do it deliberately are just plain nasty but there are those that are oblivious to their hurtful words. They don’t seem to realise what they say can hurt or do they? I often say that life is a learning curve and part of that learning is how to relate to others and recognise the feelings of others.
There are people in the world that have so much, a good job, money and many friends but they are still unhappy about their lives and still feel envy and jealousy over another, even though that other person has a fraction of what they have. Why is that? In order to explain this I need to tell you a story.
Envy and Jealousy is affecting one of my friends. She is one of those people that will never go out of her way to hurt another. In fact, sometimes I feel that she is too good and hence I am feeling her pain and sadness over the recent events.
She is divorced and lives with her loved ones who she treasures above all else. They all share a home together and have tackled all the hardships life has thrown at them, lack of money, potential homelessness and heartache, but they have each other. My friend is never alone and she is happy. Now, she has a friend who is single, lives alone does not have children but has a great lifestyle, a good job and earns quite well. Therefore, you would think that the friend who appears to have everything is happy and contented in her life. However, what one considers as having everything is relative.
Yet, she seems to be the unhappy one. She is constantly berating her, saying things to bring her down, and indeed trying hard to separate her from those that love her. Now what is this all about? The more I listen to the stories the more I realise this women is lonely and jealous, not of her friends loved ones per se. I think more about not having any herself, the companionship that comes with being surrounded by loved ones. I think she feels that they take her friend away from her; it is about wanting this beautiful friend all to herself and feeling that it’s not fair that she is alone. This is jealousy and her envy is derived from not having companionship. She does not understand how a person can be happy when they do not have money, not attending fancy parties and can’t shop until they drop. It is sad that a person who has so much can still feel these emotions and my conclusions are simple, she is insecure, not contented and is missing something in her life.
This jealous person has said many hurtful things and if one were to put all the words together she has called her a ‘stupid begging dog’ nice one!!! Does she mean this? No, I do not believe she does. I think this is the green-eyed monster coming out. She is trying to make her friend feel inadequate and as sad as she does. She however does not realise she is pushing her away even though her intention is to keep her close.
I feel angry that a mature adult can behave in such away. Maybe if loved ones surrounded her all day and every day, she would understand sympathy and empathy. I think the bitterness in some people over what others have, something that they are lacking in their own lives makes them behave in a way that makes the other person feel as low as them or indeed in some instances they want the other person to feel jealousy and envious of what they have. Why? Does it make them feel better?
Interestingly, I also noticed that some people will not introduce their circle of friends to each other; they feel they lose something if these people find real friendship in each other. They feel that they will be left out. I find this odd; would you not want all of your friends to like each other? Would that not make your social life so much better and easier?
As friends, we talk about things that are happening in our lives. My son may annoy me and I tell my closest friend. Now what do I expect a friend to say ‘don’t worry he will understand soon’ or ‘he’s probably going through something and will eventually snap out of it’ or words to that affect. Some people on the other hand would say ‘you can throw him out soon’ or he’s a bad person, he doesn’t love you’ What does that say about them, jealous and envious!!!!
My brother was another one who hated the closeness I had with my mother and he was so insecure, he wanted her to himself, did everything in his power to separate us, and achieved his goal. In my mind, he was both envious and jealous. He saw my mother as his and wanted her all to himself, he felt I was taking her away from him but also he could not bear the relationship we had, as he could not develop that same kind connection with her. So separating us meant he no longer had a rival. It was sad.
I use to spend a lot of time with a friend of mine from years back; we were joined at the hip and went everywhere together. I was 10 years younger than she was and for years never realised how envious she was of my youth. It did not help when we went to Kenya on holiday. We were leisurely lying in the pool and a women came up to us and said’ it must be lovely being on holiday with your daughter’ I remember the horror on my friends face. After that holiday, we saw each other less and less and I did not realise why for some time. However, she never said anything hurtful to me; she never had a dig about it. She recognised that this bothered her so much that she simply moved away. I was not taking anything away from her but her insecurity go the better of her. We both lost so much, it was sad,
I recently discovered that someone I thought was a friend turned out to be a manipulating envious cow and yes, I said it. I discovered that this person had said some unkind words about me. Am I upset, no more angry. I can’t stand false people. The truth, she said it because she was jealous of the relationship I had with a mutual friend. I felt like I was back at school ‘you like her more than me’ the type of things children say to each other. It was pathetic and clearly childish.
I think envy and jealousy are one of the most dangerous straits a human being can possess. It leads to criminal activities, debt and loneliness. I want a new car because she has one, is a prime example of getting into debt. Stealing what another has because you can’t buy one, is criminal, but most of all, these emotions will push people away and you will find yourself alone. Therefore, what you hoped to achieve will back fire.
Live within your means be thankful for what you have and you will find your life will flourish and you will be surrounded by friends and family. Give into jealousy and envy and watch it all slip away.
Christmas is over, awww. I felt so happy and alive with all the beautiful decorations and twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. Part of me wanted to keep it up for the rest of 2019. The Christmas tree gave me a sense of hope. Maybe because the lights are on all the time and thought of not living in darkness even part of the time seems to me to be lucky.
We are told to take the decorations down on the 12th day, which to my calculations is the 5th January. Apparently, if we take it down even one minute after midnight it is considered as bad luck. The 6th January is Ephinay day also known as the three kings day. Which is when the Star of David led the three wise men to baby Jesus? So why is that bad luck?
If you look back in history, people use to decorate their homes with holy and ivy and it was believed that tree-spirits lived in the greenery. While the festive season provided shelter for these spirits during the winter, they needed to be released outside once Christmas was over. If this custom was not followed, greenery would not return and vegetation would not grow as a result. As I do not understand the former, I am inclined to believe the latter, whether it is true or not. This theory must have played a part in the rules about removing the decorations and has been distorted through the centuries.
Over the centuries, people have adhered to superstitions even though many believe that they are ridiculous, but why? Why do we make ourselves believe? Maybe and just maybe if we do not and something bad happens we will always think, if I had not walked under that ladder, this would not have happened.
It sounds unbelievable in this modern scientific society that we can still feel tide to such beliefs. Will I walk under a ladder? No way!!! I consider myself an intelligent person but every part of my being will still not allow me to do this.
In childhood, we learn to cross our fingers for good luck, why? Crossing ones fingers traditionally symbolises the cross and hence good luck. Without going in-depth in religion, Jesus died on the cross, how is that good luck? Many believe he was meant to die for our sins, so he could rise again and make believers of us all. Is that the point? However many of our children cross their fingers when they are about to tell a lie, is the cross-meant to protect them from the sin of that lie, protect them from the wrath of god. The truth is they do it out of habit, something they have learned.
Many of us have been told since childhood, don’t do that it is bad luck or hear adults say ‘touch wood or knock on wood’ for good luck. This superstition dates back centuries. Throughout history, many cultures believed trees were a home for spirits and mystical creatures. People often knocked on the bark of a tree or simply touched the trunk when calling on a spirit for a favour or a bit of good luck. Today, this superstitious knock for good luck is done on anything made of wood, not just trees.
We have been indoctrinated to believe by our family and friends since childhood in superstitions. Superstitions have been passed down through the centuries, but as we have become more educated through science, why do we still believe?
I understand the meaning of many of these superstitions but traditionally they were born out of ignorance and paganism. Some however have religious meaning and have indeed come from the bible, the Torah and the Quran to name a few. One such example in these holy scriptures talk about new beginnings and in the New year we should ensure our homes are clean from top to bottom. Where new clothes on New Year ’s Day, make sure you have something new in your home. This all symbolises a new beginning. Cleaning away the bad and opening your home and heart to the new.
However, there are so many other superstitions that we follow, which have no religious basis that I could find. So why do we follow them? Some superstitions do however make sense when you look for the alternative meanings?
Opening an umbrella indoors brings bad luck
There are a number of theories relating to this one. Some say it started in Egyptian times when umbrellas were used to protect people from the sun and if opened indoors was an insult to the sun god and hence the bad luck. Another theory dates back to England in the 18th century. At that time, large umbrellas with metal spokes became popular. Opening these big umbrellas indoors could hurt someone or break a nearby object and lead to arguments with friends or family. Therefore, people avoided opening umbrellas inside, and the superstition grew from there. Which one am I inclined to believe? The second, It makes sense, but if you are inclined to believe the first theory then who dishes out that bad luck? Can you not argue that the sun god would be insulted that you are protecting yourself from his rays by using an umbrella?
Placing your handbag on the floor
This is considered to be bad feng shui. Your purse is considered a symbol of your wealth and placing it on the floor is disrespectful. It is felt that you do not value your wealth. In China they say “a purse on the floor is money out the door” as the floor is the lowest point. Alternatively, could it simply be if you place your purse on the floor someone can easily steal it and yes bad luck because you lost your valuables?
Feng shui teaches us to declutter our homes and place furniture in a way to allow the proper flow of energy. Does this not simply mean uncluttering our minds and by doing so leads to better decisions. I have noticed when I clean my home and put things away, I feel free and my mind has more clarity. Again is this simple psychology.
So are these superstitions or simply common sense?
Moreover, there are so many superstitions that science has taught us that they simply do not make sense.
A horseshoe brings good luck
Horseshoes are believed to be a lucky charm in many cultures. Indeed, I use to have one. Over the years it has been misplaced by moving home. So why is the horseshoe lucky? In times of old, it was believed that iron was a magical metal as it can withstand fire and therefore many thought this gave iron horseshoes mystical powers and the ability to ward off bad luck. Some believed the horseshoe should point upwards like a “U” to collect good luck and prevent it from escaping, but others thought it should face down. That way, good luck could pour onto those who walked under it.
Breaking or cracking a mirror
Breaking a mirror causes a mess, simple as that. Many believe however that it will bring you seven years of bad luck, why because breaking a mirror makes a person’s reflection distorted and their soul would be damaged and hence seven years of bad luck. It would take seven long years for the soul to repair itself. Seriously people!!!!
Just to name a few others:
As I have stated in a previous article, if we have free will, do we not hinder that free will by believing in superstition. If we are the makers of our own destiny then surely common sense should prevail. The atheist among us may refer to god as superstitions nonsense something that is not real but who many still believe in. By believing in a higher being, does that not mean our destiny is pre-written or can we argue that god gave us free will and just guidance in how we use that free will? Science teaches us that superstitions are illogical. I guess there are so many different viewpoints but can you simply believe in both. Many superstitious beliefs are psychological, if we believe we will get better we do or if we believe that knocking on wood will give us good luck, it does. But it doesn’t in the way you think. You have a more positive outlook and therefore that makes us act differently and think differently. If you happen to walk under a ladder, for those who believe this is bad luck, you will all day be expecting something terrible to happen and bad luck may just befall you. This bad luck could simply be tripping on a paving stone or the pair shoes you were desperate to buy has been sold out. Is this bad luck? Or simply because you were not paying attention or simply the shoes just sold out.
My conclusion is simple if it makes you feel better than do it. Believe in what makes you feel stronger and makes you feel positive. In life, we should draw on the positives regardless whether those positives are deemed to others to be ridiculous.
I love and hate Sundays; Sunday’s for me is the lazy day. The day to listen to music or simply flicking through channels. So, why do I hate Sunday’s, simple, tomorrow is Monday? My son spent the morning with his grandmother and then meet a friend and go to the gym. It was a day of peace and tranquillity.
At approximately 5 pm the phone rang, and I knew it would be
my son telling me he was leaving the gym and will be home soon. This was one, of the rules;
I always needed to know where he was at all times and he followed these rules religiously. As I picked up the phone and heard his voice my heart sank. He told me that some teenage boys had attacked him and his friend after leaving the gym and they had taken refuge in Papa John and had subsequently telephoned the police. I did not process what had happened and made him repeat the story twice before I said ‘I’ll be there as quickly as I can, are you hurt?’ He replied ‘no’, but his friend had been punched in the face which broke his glasses and left a small cut by the side of his left eye. He told me that, I need not pick him up; he would be fine getting home.
35 hours in labour and this child thought he was inconveniencing me!!! Seriously, people, I do not run, Rani and running are never mentioned in the same sentence but I ran all the way and didn’t stop until I had him in my arms and the anger that built up inside of me dissipated as I held him in and cried. The relief to see my child was not physically harmed was overwhelming. I then cuddled and kissed his friend and felt so sorry about what had happened. You could see the child had been crying and my heart went out to him.
I wrote this in a previous article on motherhood and want to remind you of my thoughts.
‘In a world that is so dangerous and full of evil, why do we choose to bring an innocent life into it? Look outside your window, do you see children playing on the street, the way we did? No, we are afraid to allow our children out of our sight. This constant fear and worry can bring us to our knees. You constantly worry about how good a mother you are, are you doing and saying the right things to your child? Are you raising them the correct way? Is there a right or wrong answer to these questions? I believe you raise your children for the world, not for yourself. One day they will be out there on their own. However, what world are you raising them for? I bring up my child to be polite and considerate to others, we do not use any negative words, we do not swear, and then I hear some mothers telling their children to shut up or swearing at them on the street. Is that right? Who is right? My child is a tad oversensitive, am I raising him correctly? I do not know. The other children that are spoken to, in a manner, I would never speak to my child, will they be able to tackle the world better than mine? Will they grow up to be stronger than mine?’
What I wrote was true but have I raised my child to be a victim? He and his friend did the correct thing, they did not fight back, 5 against 2? Even I would run but I am so angry that I now feel that my parenting style is wrong. I question my abilities to be a good mother. Should I have raised my child to have a chip on his shoulder, to be foul-mouthed and walk around letting everyone know he can’t be messed or toyed with? Is this the right style, for this world? Will this protect him? The sad fact, there is no right or wrong answer.
The government statistics show that youth crime is at its all-time low but crimes involving knife violence is on the increase. Do I believe this? Yes, especially when young people do not report crimes against them. My son and his friend called the police and I for one will not allow these children to get away with a caution, should they be caught? Your actions have consequences. It is time we stop saying they are children. Did they see their actions as a childish prank? This was no prank, and this was a violent crime for no reason at all, were they simply bored?
Why should I bring up my child in a way that protects other people’s children but so many parents do not grant me the same courtesy? This child is mine, and these children tried to hurt what is mine. There is nothing in this world more dangerous than a mother protecting her young and this is how I felt. The anger building inside of me was something I had never felt before. I think it was that feeling of being weak that I could not protect my child.
If we bleed, do we not bleed the same colour? Are we not made the same way? Did God not make us in his image?
The bible states
“And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their pre-appointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, Iniquity in the bloodline traces back all the way to Adam”
So why was my child any less than them? Why was my child-targeted? Was he in the wrong place at the wrong time? If we are all made from one seed and have one bloodline why would you attack your family?
If you as a parent bring your child up to hate, which leads to violence, then this style of upbringing will never change the world’s mentality. You should be ashamed!!!! Our experiences in life determine the way we think but if you instill those negative thoughts on your impressionable children, do you not think, you as a parent are encouraging a pattern of behaviour. Where will it end? Be proud of who you are but be clever. Instill the importance of education and teach your children to keep their heads down and not to start trouble but should trouble, find them, be the ones to end it, end it yes, but not through violence, if they can avoid this. I am not blaming all parents for the conduct of their children but as parents; we need to take responsibility. Once those children become adults and we have instilled the meaning of right and wrong in them, then they have free will to adhere to those beliefs or not.
Gang mentality is a real issue and if it were one boy alone, would he have committed this crime? The chances are, no. The boys that did not take part are still culpable as the ones that did, they enticed the other to commit this offence. We live in a democratic society and democracy allows has certain freedoms. Did they not take my son’s democratic rights away from him? Part of that freedom allows has to go where we please and to do what we please within the confines of the law. My son and his friend went to the gym and then headed home. The few who chose ignorance and violence over intelligence had violated their freedom.
The police officer felt that this was an attempted mugging. However, who really knows? The outcome could have been far worse and I thank god for watching over these boys.
“You boys that did this, why would you want to be arrested and go to prison over something that achieved nothing. Do you not think a criminal record will destroy your futures? You have a myopic view of the world and this needs to change. If you choose to be a criminal, be a clever one. Go to prison knowing it was for something intelligent and not for something so petty like violence. Do you feel bigger or stronger because you attacked two innocent children? Does this make you feel like men? I think not, it makes you mentally weak and unintelligent. Grow up!!!! Be all you can be education is the key,"
Part of me feels I should keep my child close and watch over him all day and every day? Restricting his freedom to explore the world or at the very least, explore the surrounding towns without me, his mother watching his every move. Should I cover him in bubble wrap, to ensure he is never hurt? This would make me more comfortable but what would it do to him? What would happen to him when I am gone? I guess we need to trust we are raising them to tackle all that life throws at them, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I decided that my child would not be a victim. I encouraged him to continue life as normal. I made him attend school the next day. I had not used the find a friend app in so long but yes; I used it Monday morning and followed his every move. If I found him standing in one place too long, I was straight on the phone ‘why haven’t you moved, what is happening?’ I was that overprotective mother again and, I hated it. I trusted my child, but I trusted no one else’s children.
The truth, I don’t know why this happened? All I know, I have to now tread, carefully and ensure that my child does not feel afraid to leave the house. I have tried to instill independence and confidence in him and this one incident could change him and not for the better. He may decide not to be so polite, amenable, caring and sensitive to the needs of others; he may decide, to be the one that is feared. As much as I feel I may not have raised him well enough to tackle the evils outside our front door, I do not want him to turn out like these children.
I want my child to have a future and not a future in prison. I want people to look at him and say what a wonderful child, teenager and eventually, what a wonderful adult. Do you not want the same for your children?