Depression isn’t a joke. Unless you have experienced it, you can’t understand it. Depression can be caused for all sorts of reasons, job dissatisfaction, miserable home life, destructive relationships divorce and many more and for some for no reason at all, or should I say there is a reason you just can’t pin point it. However, one thing I have learnt through my journey of depression do not isolate yourself.
Believe it or not you all have one friend out there who will provide solace and for some lucky few, you may have more than one friend who will pick you up, even for those few hours.
I know, before you say it or think it, who wants to listen to your moans and who wants to see you looking depressed. It is not about pouring your heart out to them. It is about companionship, learning to laugh again. Isolating yourself in your home really is not the answer.
I found myself divorced at 43 years old and a single mother of one. I felt old and alone, I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror. I was empty, a shell of my former self. So many things in my life had gone wrong and it was easy to blame others.
After about a year I met a woman who was to become my best friend and slowly my sense of loneliness dissipated. I had a friend and a person I knew would always try and keep my spirits up, a person who would never judge me, a person I would always call friend and I hoped she would feel the same. I suddenly became WE.
Now, this friend thought it would be a good idea for me to start dating again.It’s interesting that some women feel the need to be in a relationship to feel whole. Why do we feel the need to be in a relationship to be happy? Is it about having a Man? Is it sex? Firstly, Ladies Ann Summers was founded for a reason and I assure you they have wide varieties of toys, that in part could satisfy those needs at least for a short time, this should hopefully help you refrain from jumping into bed with the first man you meet.
Or is it simply about wanting companionship? Whatever form that takes. Do we feel less desirable if we are not hanging off a man’s arm? Are we so insecure with ourselves that we need affirmation from others? Has society made the word single taboo? Are we less of a person because we are single? These are all questions I wanted an answer to.
That night I decided to manipulate a man into asking me out. Indeed he had asked me on a number of occasions and I had turned him down umpteen times and he had given up. Yes, I’m using the word manipulate, manipulation can take many forms. The words you use, your body language and indeed the way you dress etc. The question was simple, after years of marriage and being with one man was I able to attract another man?
The following morning I woke to a 6am alarm and started to get ready. I was going to ensnare a man, how cold that sounded and quite frankly bitchy. I finally arrived at work and he wasn’t there, I couldn’t believe it. I looked like a dark haired Barbie doll. I had spent so much time on my makeup and choosing the right outfit and he was not in the office. Yes ladies all the courage I had mustered to get to this stage had left me.
Before I knew it the day was over. I packed my things and left the office as I was exiting the building, there he was, I looked down at the floor, look up Rani, look up. As our eyes locked I smiled at him and he looked a little shocked as I would normally roll my eyes when I saw him. My god was I really doing this. Well it didn’t take much he instantly stopped and asked me out for that drink. Seriously! I had turned this man down so many times and he was still interested.
My god that was far too easy and men are unbelievably easy to manipulate, clearly not much had changed. I’m sure if he had thought about it, he would not have asked me as I had ignored him for months but he was clearly thinking with his pecker and not his brain.
Would this date answer all these questions for me? Of course it wouldn’t, you could live a lifetime and never understand the opposite sex. However it may give me an insight and indeed I wouldn’t say no to a little fun along the way.
Interestingly, by agreeing to go out on this date, did give me a sense of reclamation of my life. Not entirely but in part. So do we need to be in a relationship to feel whole? Well let’s see.