The last few months have honestly been a revelation. I have discovered so much about certain people in my life. Jealousy and envy are the only explanation for it all. Have I experienced it, that feeling of envy, that feeling of jealousy? Absolutely, but have I ever made people feel my jealousy or envy or hurt them verbally or physically, never. So, what I don’t understand is those that do. Don’t we want the best for the ones we love? Don’t we want to see the closest people to us being happy? Even if that takes something away from us?
Human nature is such that we will all experience one or the other and indeed in some instances both at the same time. For those who don’t know the distinction between the two it is simple, jealousy is a state of mind that makes you feel threatened that something you have is being taken away and Envy is a reaction to lacking something.
Let’s think about this, being jealous is a feeling of insecurity, fear and concern whereas envy is about the lack of possessions, status or something of great value. However, feeling something whether it is jealousy or envy or both does not mean that we should voice it or make someone feel inferior because of it. We should hold the green-eyed monster at bay and think before we open our mouths. I often say to my son ‘engage brain before opening mouth and use the filter that god gave you’ and that people, filter is your brain.
Certain people say things that are hurtful and those that do it deliberately are just plain nasty but there are those that are oblivious to their hurtful words. They don’t seem to realise what they say can hurt or do they? I often say that life is a learning curve and part of that learning is how to relate to others and recognise the feelings of others.
There are people in the world that have so much, a good job, money and many friends but they are still unhappy about their lives and still feel envy and jealousy over another, even though that other person has a fraction of what they have. Why is that? In order to explain this I need to tell you a story.
Envy and Jealousy is affecting one of my friends. She is one of those people that will never go out of her way to hurt another. In fact, sometimes I feel that she is too good and hence I am feeling her pain and sadness over the recent events.
She is divorced and lives with her loved ones who she treasures above all else. They all share a home together and have tackled all the hardships life has thrown at them, lack of money, potential homelessness and heartache, but they have each other. My friend is never alone and she is happy. Now, she has a friend who is single, lives alone does not have children but has a great lifestyle, a good job and earns quite well. Therefore, you would think that the friend who appears to have everything is happy and contented in her life. However, what one considers as having everything is relative.
Yet, she seems to be the unhappy one. She is constantly berating her, saying things to bring her down, and indeed trying hard to separate her from those that love her. Now what is this all about? The more I listen to the stories the more I realise this women is lonely and jealous, not of her friends loved ones per se. I think more about not having any herself, the companionship that comes with being surrounded by loved ones. I think she feels that they take her friend away from her; it is about wanting this beautiful friend all to herself and feeling that it’s not fair that she is alone. This is jealousy and her envy is derived from not having companionship. She does not understand how a person can be happy when they do not have money, not attending fancy parties and can’t shop until they drop. It is sad that a person who has so much can still feel these emotions and my conclusions are simple, she is insecure, not contented and is missing something in her life.
This jealous person has said many hurtful things and if one were to put all the words together she has called her a ‘stupid begging dog’ nice one!!! Does she mean this? No, I do not believe she does. I think this is the green-eyed monster coming out. She is trying to make her friend feel inadequate and as sad as she does. She however does not realise she is pushing her away even though her intention is to keep her close.
I feel angry that a mature adult can behave in such away. Maybe if loved ones surrounded her all day and every day, she would understand sympathy and empathy. I think the bitterness in some people over what others have, something that they are lacking in their own lives makes them behave in a way that makes the other person feel as low as them or indeed in some instances they want the other person to feel jealousy and envious of what they have. Why? Does it make them feel better?
Interestingly, I also noticed that some people will not introduce their circle of friends to each other; they feel they lose something if these people find real friendship in each other. They feel that they will be left out. I find this odd; would you not want all of your friends to like each other? Would that not make your social life so much better and easier?
As friends, we talk about things that are happening in our lives. My son may annoy me and I tell my closest friend. Now what do I expect a friend to say ‘don’t worry he will understand soon’ or ‘he’s probably going through something and will eventually snap out of it’ or words to that affect. Some people on the other hand would say ‘you can throw him out soon’ or he’s a bad person, he doesn’t love you’ What does that say about them, jealous and envious!!!!
My brother was another one who hated the closeness I had with my mother and he was so insecure, he wanted her to himself, did everything in his power to separate us, and achieved his goal. In my mind, he was both envious and jealous. He saw my mother as his and wanted her all to himself, he felt I was taking her away from him but also he could not bear the relationship we had, as he could not develop that same kind connection with her. So separating us meant he no longer had a rival. It was sad.
I use to spend a lot of time with a friend of mine from years back; we were joined at the hip and went everywhere together. I was 10 years younger than she was and for years never realised how envious she was of my youth. It did not help when we went to Kenya on holiday. We were leisurely lying in the pool and a women came up to us and said’ it must be lovely being on holiday with your daughter’ I remember the horror on my friends face. After that holiday, we saw each other less and less and I did not realise why for some time. However, she never said anything hurtful to me; she never had a dig about it. She recognised that this bothered her so much that she simply moved away. I was not taking anything away from her but her insecurity go the better of her. We both lost so much, it was sad,
I recently discovered that someone I thought was a friend turned out to be a manipulating envious cow and yes, I said it. I discovered that this person had said some unkind words about me. Am I upset, no more angry. I can’t stand false people. The truth, she said it because she was jealous of the relationship I had with a mutual friend. I felt like I was back at school ‘you like her more than me’ the type of things children say to each other. It was pathetic and clearly childish.
I think envy and jealousy are one of the most dangerous straits a human being can possess. It leads to criminal activities, debt and loneliness. I want a new car because she has one, is a prime example of getting into debt. Stealing what another has because you can’t buy one, is criminal, but most of all, these emotions will push people away and you will find yourself alone. Therefore, what you hoped to achieve will back fire.
Live within your means be thankful for what you have and you will find your life will flourish and you will be surrounded by friends and family. Give into jealousy and envy and watch it all slip away.